The Gay/Straight Antagonism

Sometimes it's really hard to be friends with gay men. Not because they're gay. But because sometimes they're so gay.

It may be a little bit my fault. I did support the behavior. I went to the gay bars and danced my ass off to the ridiculously catchy music. I accompanied and approved of purchases of clothing that would not be out of place on Fire Island or on one of Cher's backup dancers. I applied the glitter on Halloween to make one of my friends a gay vampire.

But sometimes I'm just overwhelmed by the gayness of it all. Every bar we go to is a gay bar. Every movie we watch is a gay movie (including a gem discovered over New Years, The Big Gay Musical). Every boy we talk about is a gay boy.

Just this past weekend, a friend and I were indulging in a Pushing Daisies marathon. I mentioned that Lee Pace is from Houston. His response was, "So is Matt Bomer.....and he's gay!" (Which Matt Bomer hasn't confirmed or stated outright. All I can confirm is that he's beautiful.)

One night a few weeks ago, a girlfriend and I were talking about a male mutual friend of ours. One of my gay guy friends sauntered over.

"What are you guys talking about?"

"A guy we know."

"Oooh! Is he gay?"

"No."

"Oh. Then I don't care." And he sauntered away.

ARRRRRRRRRRRGH.

It's difficult for me. I recognize that there are only a select group of people around whom my gay friends can truly express themselves and talk about the things they're interested in (read: penises), but there is only so much gay talk that a straight woman can take.

The final straw/initial realization came to me on a night when I was with a group of straight friends. I had made tentative plans to meet up with a different group of friends (gays) to head to a gay bar later, but I was enjoying myself at the (straight) bar and wasn't quite ready to leave.

Because I had found a straight boy of my choosing and was flirting to my heart's content.

It's not my fault, really. He was 6'7". That is SIX FEET AND SEVEN INCHES TALL. Come on. It was my civic duty to flirt with him.

When my other friends texted me, I told them that I wasn't ready to go yet. Big mistake.

My phone practically exploded from the amount of texts I got while it was on the vibrate setting. They were ready to go now. They wanted to dance now. There were gay boys waiting for them at the bar now.

I told them to come to the bar. It was met with a sneer (or the textual equivalent of a sneer). I told them that I had my claws hooked into a straight and I wasn't quite done playing with him yet. This was met with, "WHATEVER JUST GIVE HIM YOUR NUMBER AND LET'S GO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

I know that being gay is tough. Especially in south Texas. But guys, don't forget that, though we queer dears may have a time and a half at the gay bars, they do absolutely nothing for our social lives. We need to go to a straight bar every once in a while. Throw us a bone every once in a while. Just make sure it's not a gay bone.