Southern hospitality.

Growing up in the southern United States is interesting.

Being a liberal means you are a minority. And being an open homosexual means that you are a minority's minority.

Too often in the South, people are forced to remain closeted, whether for religious, social, or sadly enough, familial reasons.

One of my dear, dear friends is forced to be closeted with his family due to his family's conservative and religious beliefs. He has been in a room with his parents when they have made disparaging comments about gay men. His parents don't know what they're even saying to their son, because he's too afraid to tell them about who he really is. He doesn't even like visiting with them because of the things that they say.

Now, there are a lot of things that are depressing to me about his parents. For example, he didn't read the Harry Potter books until he was 23 because he wasn't allowed to read the devil books. But the fact that his parents are missing out on a relationship with their son because of their inability to accept homosexuals makes me so depressed that I have to eat my feelings. Their son is one of the best people I know. He is loving and loyal and caring and honest and funny and one of my favorite people in the whole world. It makes me sad to think that his parents are crazy and are missing out on knowing such a wonderful person.

Start wearing purple.

So last night. I was talking to a friend, minding my own business. When this bombshell is dropped on me:

"Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you...I'm dying my hair purple!"

For the love of Boy George, WHY.

"Why? I don't know. Because we were bored. And wanted to do something crazy."

Mission accomplished, Adam Lambert.

He was bored. So he decided to dye a purple streak in his hair.

PURPLE. STREAK.

I know that today was the day that people were wearing purple to protest the recent trend of anti-gay bullying and subsequent suicides. But let's not do something that we're going to regret, hey boys?

Luckily, hair grows and dye fades. And the laugh I got from the moment will last forever.

Lessons learned.

A few lessons I learned this past weekend:

1. "Hocus Pocus" is one of the best movies of our time.

2. If you are with an attractive male friend in a gay bar, a drag queen will give you a free shot and tell you you're pretty.

3. A good way to bond with a friend's new dating pal is to get really drunk and dance around the living room. It is also wise to alternate that dancing with hugging.

4. I should not be allowed to talk to people when I've downed a bottle of red wine.

5. Neither should I be allowed to eat anything while drunk. Even something as seemingly innocuous as a chicken tender. Yes, I chipped my tooth on a chicken tender.

Come out, come out wherever you are!

Today is National Coming Out Day, a day devoted to supporting and raise awareness of LGBT issues.

Coming out is a difficult yet important process in the life of a gay man or woman. Because, newsflash gentlemen, it's a little difficult to convince people that you're straight when you're having sex with men. Closets are for clothes, not people.

I have a friend, E___, who is so far in the closet he's in Narnia. He swears up and down that he's straight, regardless of the fact that he has hooked up with several of my male friends. Several.

Just because you're in the closet, boys, doesn't mean that you're hidden and no one can see you. The closet isn't literal. When you're hooking up with guys, we can see you. When you're on the internet, chatting up guys, we can see you. And when you're asking a guy that you've hooked up with "where this is going," WE CAN SEE YOU.

The thing about being in the closet is you are only fooling yourself. What I remember from childhood hide-and-go-seek sessions where my hiding place of choice was the closet, ensconced amongst Barbie dolls and winter clothes, is that the closet is dark and lonely and cramped. It is not a very cheerful place, especially when you can hear the other kids playing outside.

So come out and play.

Tragedy.

The news has been full of LGBTQ teenagers taking their lives lately. There are no words to express what a horrific tragedy this is. As a graduate of and now a teacher in public schools, I know how horrible kids can be to each other; what they consider light-hearted teasing can sometimes be downright cruel. But the fact that these kids were bullied enough that they felt that there was no one to turn to and nowhere to go is heartbreaking.

If you or anyone you know is struggling with these problems or these feelings, know that there are people who want to help. The Trevor Project is a wonderful organization that is seeking to help any LGBTQ youth in crisis, and they have a 24 hour phone counselor.

You are loved. There are better times ahead. And I want you to be there to share it with me.

And to the parents out there -- when you tell gay Americans that they can't serve their country openly, or marry the person that they love, you're telling that to kids, too. So don't be shocked and wonder where all these bullies are coming from that are torturing young kids, and driving them to kill themselves because they're different. They learned it from watching you. The hate stops with you.

Affirmative action.

I got my hair cut this weekend. By a straight guy.

It was a bit like seeing unicorns in the wild. I didn't think straight male hairdressers existed. But they do, and he did an AMAZING job on my hair, thank you.

But it got me thinking. There are just some jobs that need to be done by the gays.

• Hair dresser


• Makeup artist


• Stripper


• Actor in stage musicals


• Softball player


• Member of the Village People


• Mayor of Houston

What other jobs should be reserved for gays?