Today is my best friend's birthday!
I first met T when we were cast together in our local community theater's production of "Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat." He played Joseph and I played Potiphar's Wife; my introduction to him was, "oh hi! I'll be the one ravishing you later!" Part of our tango dance included me shoving his face in my cleavage and a love was born.
We've been best friends for two years and roommates for six months. He is one of the most talented people that I know and I've been privileged to be able to work with and sing with him on a few occasions. He is a wonderful teacher, as evidenced by the time he takes with me and by the merits of his students.
He entered my life at exactly the right time -- I was transitioning from one job to the other and was worried about leaving my friends in Houston to move to a smaller town. To be honest, our blossoming friendship was one of the main reasons that I pursued the job in the smaller town so passionately. It's not very often that people find someone that they bond with so quickly and intensely and I didn't want to let that go.
In the past few years, we've gone through major ups and downs -- we both were cast as leads in shows at our theater, I started grad school, he had a significant break-up, we moved in together to make our transformation into Will and Grace complete. Since we've started living together, we've had minor battles, mainly over the spice cabinet (because he's a damn dirty Cajun with an iron tongue), but we're thriving.
I don't know where I would be without T. He has enriched my life in many ways, starting with providing me with the love of his dog, Wolfgang. He is funny, thoughtful, caring, and loyal. He is supportive of me but not to the point where he doesn't call me out for being ridiculous. He is the perfect laidback yin to my melodramatic yang. Everyone should be lucky enough to have a friend like T -- but get your own, I don't like to share.
Happy birthday, T! I love you and I'm sorry in advance for eating all of your birthday cake!
Showing posts with label boys boys boys. Show all posts
Showing posts with label boys boys boys. Show all posts
Monday, May 13, 2013
Tuesday, January 8, 2013
Life is a Drag
Over Christmas break, I went up to Dallas to visit friends and we subsequently went to S4 to see their drag show.
I've seen many a drag show in my day and love every incarnation, including Rupaul's Drag Race on LOGO. But whether professional or amateur, there are a few staples that are necessary for a great time:
1. A great emcee. Nothing ruins a night faster than an emcee who isn't funny or entertaining, or the lack of an emcee, with the DJ announcing the girls. Emcees are incredibly important: they need to be spontaneous and respond to the audience without being overly vulgar. There's a difference between joking and insulting and a good emcee (with a good audience) can toe the line magnificently.
2. A good audience. Don't try to be funnier than the emcee, because you will not win. Have fun while still being courteous to both the girls and the other audience members. Basically, don't be an ass. Have fun but don't spoil the rest of the audience's fun.
3. Tip! Tipping is not mandatory but is the best way of showing your appreciation for the show. If you're going to tip, then don't make them work for the money -- don't hold on to it and "make" them perform for you in order to get it. They're working their asses off for everybody, and you're included in that. Let them get their money and move on! They're earning every bit of it.
4. Performers need to know the words to the songs. This is one of my pet peeves. Yeah yeah, they're lip syncing, which means they don't necessarily have to know the words, but come on. Nothing takes me out of a show faster than a performer moving their mouth like a fish and pronouncing random syllables that do not in anyway sound like the song they're supposed to be performing. Ladies: pick a song you know, and then perform the shit out of it.
5. Keep the music topical. There are the obvious gay anthems that are staples in shows, but if you're performing a random 70s disco song that no one in the audience knows, you're just setting yourself up for a boring show. I may be biased in this one, but my favorite performances have been queens that dress as Beyonce, Gaga, or Britney and rocked the shit out of a medley. The Beyonce queens are my favorite, I must admit.
It's probably sad how much thought I've put into what makes a good drag show, but there you go. Go, drink, and hope that I never figure out how to pull a Connie and Carla because I will take my drag show on the road and it will be a GLORIOUS show.
1. A great emcee. Nothing ruins a night faster than an emcee who isn't funny or entertaining, or the lack of an emcee, with the DJ announcing the girls. Emcees are incredibly important: they need to be spontaneous and respond to the audience without being overly vulgar. There's a difference between joking and insulting and a good emcee (with a good audience) can toe the line magnificently.
2. A good audience. Don't try to be funnier than the emcee, because you will not win. Have fun while still being courteous to both the girls and the other audience members. Basically, don't be an ass. Have fun but don't spoil the rest of the audience's fun.
3. Tip! Tipping is not mandatory but is the best way of showing your appreciation for the show. If you're going to tip, then don't make them work for the money -- don't hold on to it and "make" them perform for you in order to get it. They're working their asses off for everybody, and you're included in that. Let them get their money and move on! They're earning every bit of it.
4. Performers need to know the words to the songs. This is one of my pet peeves. Yeah yeah, they're lip syncing, which means they don't necessarily have to know the words, but come on. Nothing takes me out of a show faster than a performer moving their mouth like a fish and pronouncing random syllables that do not in anyway sound like the song they're supposed to be performing. Ladies: pick a song you know, and then perform the shit out of it.
5. Keep the music topical. There are the obvious gay anthems that are staples in shows, but if you're performing a random 70s disco song that no one in the audience knows, you're just setting yourself up for a boring show. I may be biased in this one, but my favorite performances have been queens that dress as Beyonce, Gaga, or Britney and rocked the shit out of a medley. The Beyonce queens are my favorite, I must admit.
It's probably sad how much thought I've put into what makes a good drag show, but there you go. Go, drink, and hope that I never figure out how to pull a Connie and Carla because I will take my drag show on the road and it will be a GLORIOUS show.
Monday, November 19, 2012
Gay Men Will Marry Your Girlfriends
One more reason to support gay marriage: gay men will marry your girlfriends. And I believe I speak for all women when I say that we all enjoy a motherfucking quiche. You have been warned.
Sunday, November 4, 2012
Girls on Film
It's all fun and games until you find out that your new friend once starred in gay porn.
Saturday, September 15, 2012
As seen on Lifetime.
Sometimes life gets in the way of blogging. Like when your best friend goes through a rough break up and you have to be available at all times for needed Ben and Jerry's support. Especially when his ex's life could be made into a Lifetime movie.
It's difficult enough being a teacher these days, what with the increasing emphasis on teachers being judged based on their students' standardized test scores and the lack of salary growth in the career. It's even worse when you have teachers that have inappropriate relationships with their students.
In this case, said student had graduated in May (three months ago) and was 18. But guess what? IT'S STILL WRONG. If you are an adult and you hang out with teenagers for fun, then you need to look at your life, look at your choices. It also ruined several relationships and, more importantly, sleep cycles.
I will be the first to say that I hate when people expect that just because you belong to a certain group, you have expectations and roles you have to fill. As Natalie Portman so eloquently put it, I never said I was a role model. But I'm sorry gays (and teachers, and gay teachers), you have a responsibility to not be a creeper. When you have groups that honestly believe that homosexuals are more likely to be child molesters, then you need to oh, I don't know, not take your 18 year old former students on vacation, just the two of you. That is suspicious and saying that you're just friends does not make it sound better, because I am around teenagers all day long at school and trust me, there is nothing about them that would make me want to hang out with them socially. A teacher I worked with last year took a student to the Renaissance Festival last year, and while I cannot fault her for the choice of venue because that place is awesome, it's not okay and she abruptly quit two weeks later. I wonder why.
Break ups are hard, no matter what the reason is. In this case, it was a long and horrendous process that took all summer and ended with a severing of lives and separation of houses. It hasn't been an easy process and it has been hard on everyone involved. Luckily, it's all pretty much settled. He's just ready to move on, and I am, too. I wasn't sure how many late night phone calls I could take.
On a more positive note, this whole experience means that I have a new wonderful roommate! More shenanigans and Will and Grace comparisons to follow!
It's difficult enough being a teacher these days, what with the increasing emphasis on teachers being judged based on their students' standardized test scores and the lack of salary growth in the career. It's even worse when you have teachers that have inappropriate relationships with their students.
In this case, said student had graduated in May (three months ago) and was 18. But guess what? IT'S STILL WRONG. If you are an adult and you hang out with teenagers for fun, then you need to look at your life, look at your choices. It also ruined several relationships and, more importantly, sleep cycles.
I will be the first to say that I hate when people expect that just because you belong to a certain group, you have expectations and roles you have to fill. As Natalie Portman so eloquently put it, I never said I was a role model. But I'm sorry gays (and teachers, and gay teachers), you have a responsibility to not be a creeper. When you have groups that honestly believe that homosexuals are more likely to be child molesters, then you need to oh, I don't know, not take your 18 year old former students on vacation, just the two of you. That is suspicious and saying that you're just friends does not make it sound better, because I am around teenagers all day long at school and trust me, there is nothing about them that would make me want to hang out with them socially. A teacher I worked with last year took a student to the Renaissance Festival last year, and while I cannot fault her for the choice of venue because that place is awesome, it's not okay and she abruptly quit two weeks later. I wonder why.
Break ups are hard, no matter what the reason is. In this case, it was a long and horrendous process that took all summer and ended with a severing of lives and separation of houses. It hasn't been an easy process and it has been hard on everyone involved. Luckily, it's all pretty much settled. He's just ready to move on, and I am, too. I wasn't sure how many late night phone calls I could take.
On a more positive note, this whole experience means that I have a new wonderful roommate! More shenanigans and Will and Grace comparisons to follow!
Monday, April 9, 2012
Edward Scissorhands
I have discovered that not all gay men are cut out to be hair stylists.
My best friend is a high school choir director and has been working feverishly on his show choir's spring show. It's all girls so it's a very diva-tastic affair, complete with wigs and dresses and pageantry.
Last week, he called and told me that he needed help styling a wig. When he came over, he told me that he had a long haired wig that needed to be transformed into a Thoroughly Modern Millie style bob. The way I was helping was to wear the wig on my head while he chopped it up. So I did the dutiful friend thing and tucked my hair under the wig while he cut.
He had the wig looking pretty good, at least by what I could see in the porch window of the balcony. The wig was the same color as my hair, so it was fun to see me with short hair and bangs.
Yes. Bangs.
When he was done, I went into the bathroom to inspect it in a real mirror and the bangs section was looking kind of strange so I leaned in closer to the mirror and OH MY GOD THAT IS MY REAL HAIR.
In the quest for wig bangs and in his vigorous brushing of the wig, a portion of my real bangs somehow escaped the confine of the wig cap and got sliced off. There is now a quarter of my bangs that are shorter than the rest. Luckily they're easily hidden in the underbrush and are off to the side. And luckily my friend couldn't hear the obscenities I yelled at him over the sound of his laughter. He was very amused with the situation.
At least the wig looks good.
My best friend is a high school choir director and has been working feverishly on his show choir's spring show. It's all girls so it's a very diva-tastic affair, complete with wigs and dresses and pageantry.
Last week, he called and told me that he needed help styling a wig. When he came over, he told me that he had a long haired wig that needed to be transformed into a Thoroughly Modern Millie style bob. The way I was helping was to wear the wig on my head while he chopped it up. So I did the dutiful friend thing and tucked my hair under the wig while he cut.
He had the wig looking pretty good, at least by what I could see in the porch window of the balcony. The wig was the same color as my hair, so it was fun to see me with short hair and bangs.
Yes. Bangs.
When he was done, I went into the bathroom to inspect it in a real mirror and the bangs section was looking kind of strange so I leaned in closer to the mirror and OH MY GOD THAT IS MY REAL HAIR.
In the quest for wig bangs and in his vigorous brushing of the wig, a portion of my real bangs somehow escaped the confine of the wig cap and got sliced off. There is now a quarter of my bangs that are shorter than the rest. Luckily they're easily hidden in the underbrush and are off to the side. And luckily my friend couldn't hear the obscenities I yelled at him over the sound of his laughter. He was very amused with the situation.
At least the wig looks good.
Saturday, February 18, 2012
Hello, good-bi.
Does bisexuality exist? It depends on who you ask, I suppose.
I don't know anyone who has claimed to be bisexual that did not later turn towards one specific gender or the other. In my experience, bisexuality is a pitstop on the way to Gaytown. But others might disagree -- particularly those who identify as bisexual.
An acquaintance of mine, one who would make a blind and deaf person say "goddamn, that kid is gay", has recently been spending an awful lot of time becoming chummy with a girl. "Oh, that's just his queer dead," we all thought. But at a party last weekend, said girl referred to him as her boyfriend, and not in a platonic way. In a "we are having sex" kind of way.
Say whaaaaat?
He has gone on the record as saying that he simply "doesn't see gender," which is a load of bullshit. There's no choice but to see gender. But is it possible for a gay man to compromise his sexuality in the face of loneliness? We do live in a small town in south Texas, so maybe he is just seeking any companionship in any sense. Some very famous gay men have been married and loved women while seeking out dalliances with men -- Cole Porter, Oscar Wilde, Moss Hart, Vita Sackville-West, to name a few. Most of these people lived during times when homosexuality was severely persecuted.
So does bisexuality exist? Is it possible to be equally attracted to both genders, or does everyone truly have a preference but will settle for society's norms or whatever is available? The world may never know. And if it makes the people happy, it's none of the world's business.
I don't know anyone who has claimed to be bisexual that did not later turn towards one specific gender or the other. In my experience, bisexuality is a pitstop on the way to Gaytown. But others might disagree -- particularly those who identify as bisexual.
An acquaintance of mine, one who would make a blind and deaf person say "goddamn, that kid is gay", has recently been spending an awful lot of time becoming chummy with a girl. "Oh, that's just his queer dead," we all thought. But at a party last weekend, said girl referred to him as her boyfriend, and not in a platonic way. In a "we are having sex" kind of way.
Say whaaaaat?
He has gone on the record as saying that he simply "doesn't see gender," which is a load of bullshit. There's no choice but to see gender. But is it possible for a gay man to compromise his sexuality in the face of loneliness? We do live in a small town in south Texas, so maybe he is just seeking any companionship in any sense. Some very famous gay men have been married and loved women while seeking out dalliances with men -- Cole Porter, Oscar Wilde, Moss Hart, Vita Sackville-West, to name a few. Most of these people lived during times when homosexuality was severely persecuted.
So does bisexuality exist? Is it possible to be equally attracted to both genders, or does everyone truly have a preference but will settle for society's norms or whatever is available? The world may never know. And if it makes the people happy, it's none of the world's business.
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
NOH8
California's Proposition 8, a voter-approved ban on gay marriage in the state of California, has been declared unconstitutional, according to a federal appeals court.
The case will probably be appealed to the Supreme Court, but given that this is the second time that it has been declared unconstitutional. The court today stated that the law "served no purpose, and had no effect, other than to lessen the status and human dignity of gays and lesbians in California, and to officially reclassify their relationship and families as inferior to those of opposite-sex couples." Yeah, I'm pretty sure that was the point of the proposition, and I'm glad that the ridiculousness of Prop 8 is being acknowledged.
There is absolutely no legal reason to deny gays and lesbians the same rights as heterosexual Americans. There aren't separate constitutions.
Conservatives, stop trying to make hate happen. It's not going to happen.
The case will probably be appealed to the Supreme Court, but given that this is the second time that it has been declared unconstitutional. The court today stated that the law "served no purpose, and had no effect, other than to lessen the status and human dignity of gays and lesbians in California, and to officially reclassify their relationship and families as inferior to those of opposite-sex couples." Yeah, I'm pretty sure that was the point of the proposition, and I'm glad that the ridiculousness of Prop 8 is being acknowledged.
There is absolutely no legal reason to deny gays and lesbians the same rights as heterosexual Americans. There aren't separate constitutions.
Conservatives, stop trying to make hate happen. It's not going to happen.
Monday, December 12, 2011
Textual Healing.
One of the perks of having gay men as your best friends is that you always have someone to flirt with boys for you, especially in the technological advances of the 21st century. I do so enjoy having a personal Cyrano.
Sometimes the idiom is true -- guys know what guys want. I was amazed at how well the flirty texts were received. I think I may have created a monster, though; last night, I told my friend that Straight Guy had texted me and his response was, "Let him talk for a while and then let me flirt with him for you!"
Sometimes the idiom is true -- guys know what guys want. I was amazed at how well the flirty texts were received. I think I may have created a monster, though; last night, I told my friend that Straight Guy had texted me and his response was, "Let him talk for a while and then let me flirt with him for you!"
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
A Christmas Miracle
I have a friend that I sometimes think of as a straight guy who likes guys. He loves football and red meat and hates talking about his feelings. He puts on a facade of nonchalance when he's out in public.
But there are times when he surprises me, specifically around Christmas time. He dons him now some gay apparel when it gets close to Christmas. I helped him decorate his house for Christmas, and I swear this man pranced. PRANCED through the house. I'm pretty sure he even giggled on occasion. He also just called me at 6:45 a.m. because the local easy listening radio station is playing Christmas music and he thought that I should know that Kenny Loggins was playing.
It's like having my own personal elf.
But there are times when he surprises me, specifically around Christmas time. He dons him now some gay apparel when it gets close to Christmas. I helped him decorate his house for Christmas, and I swear this man pranced. PRANCED through the house. I'm pretty sure he even giggled on occasion. He also just called me at 6:45 a.m. because the local easy listening radio station is playing Christmas music and he thought that I should know that Kenny Loggins was playing.
It's like having my own personal elf.
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
Benefits.
I have recently been made aware that I have a friend who has a friend with benefits.
The way he explained it to me was that they ended up drunk in bed one night and things started happening so he just decided to go with it. He went with it for a couple of months.
Has anyone else ever been able to make a "friends with benefits" situation work? Hollywood has made it clear that there are usually some sort of feelings on one or both sides. Can sex be emotionless and just fun?
He said that they eventually broke it off because they wanted to end it before things got complicated. My argument is, how can things not be complicated? Many people are able to separate the act of sex from emotional attachments (I know some people even separate the act of sex from sexual orientation, which is even more baffling), but to me a situation of friends with benefits differs from general promiscuity or an occasional one night stand.
To repeatedly have sex with a person and to not develop feelings for that person is to take all of the feeling out of it. Sex is supposed to be the ultimate expression of love and intimacy with a person, which is why it is so scandalous when people engage in one night stands in the first place. Granted, the friends of benefits situation is safer than the one night stand situation, but still. Why engage in acts of intimacy with a person without being intimate with them? That's what hands are for.
The way he explained it to me was that they ended up drunk in bed one night and things started happening so he just decided to go with it. He went with it for a couple of months.
Has anyone else ever been able to make a "friends with benefits" situation work? Hollywood has made it clear that there are usually some sort of feelings on one or both sides. Can sex be emotionless and just fun?
He said that they eventually broke it off because they wanted to end it before things got complicated. My argument is, how can things not be complicated? Many people are able to separate the act of sex from emotional attachments (I know some people even separate the act of sex from sexual orientation, which is even more baffling), but to me a situation of friends with benefits differs from general promiscuity or an occasional one night stand.
To repeatedly have sex with a person and to not develop feelings for that person is to take all of the feeling out of it. Sex is supposed to be the ultimate expression of love and intimacy with a person, which is why it is so scandalous when people engage in one night stands in the first place. Granted, the friends of benefits situation is safer than the one night stand situation, but still. Why engage in acts of intimacy with a person without being intimate with them? That's what hands are for.
Sunday, November 6, 2011
Going the distance
In September and October, two of my good friends embarked on separate long distance relationships. By the end of October, both of them were over. One of the relationships moved very slowly, with the guys getting to know each other over a period of a few weeks, and the other relationship moved quickly, with them being exclusive and official after a few days.
Long distance relationships baffle me. I have only known one relationship of my friends that has survived long distances. Relationships, especially in the fragile "getting to know you" stage, are very tenuous and distance just adds another stressor. Especially relationships that begin with distance. In both cases, the guys were friends of a friend that they met at a party; the guys had come in from towns one or two hours away.
At the end of the day, I'm happy if my friends are happy, and they were happy, especially on the weekends when they got together with their guys. I just hope that next time, they can be happy without having to drive for two hours or rack up an enormous text messaging bill.
Long distance relationships baffle me. I have only known one relationship of my friends that has survived long distances. Relationships, especially in the fragile "getting to know you" stage, are very tenuous and distance just adds another stressor. Especially relationships that begin with distance. In both cases, the guys were friends of a friend that they met at a party; the guys had come in from towns one or two hours away.
At the end of the day, I'm happy if my friends are happy, and they were happy, especially on the weekends when they got together with their guys. I just hope that next time, they can be happy without having to drive for two hours or rack up an enormous text messaging bill.
Saturday, October 1, 2011
No Strings Attached
Well. Now I have done it.
Long story short -- two of my friends (we'll call them A and B for brevity's sake) were going to attend the out of state wedding of a college friend of B. B had said at a dinner (that A was not attending), "I really wish that I could have a college boy weekend without A." A few weeks later, A said to me, "I don't really feel like going out of state and hanging with B's frat boy friends."
And an evil Geppetto complex was born.
"If only they knew!" I thought to myself. "If only they would talk to each other, they'd realize they have the same ideas!"
So I tried to make little hints and suggestions about, "oh, you never know, he may understand if you don't want to go," and "you don't know, maybe he doesn't want to go, you should talk to him."
They talked to each other, figured it out, and all was right with the world.
Until. They talked to each other, discovered my evil Geppetto complex, and I got called the hell out for my secrets and lies.
It turns out people don't like being a personal Pinocchio. And they especially don't like when they try to have a heart-to-heart talk with each other and the other person already knows what they're going to say.....because they heard it from me.
I then tried to make a joke about it with A (via text.....WILL I NEVER LEARN), and it was waaaay too soon for that. I got put in my place yet again. My place a few spaces below people who use bad grammar and don't use their turn signals in heavy traffic.
So I am properly A, embarrassed that I was so thoroughly busted, and B, genuinely apologetic and contrite that I betrayed their respective confidences. I honestly was trying to help, but all I did was make an awful mess of things. From now on, my hair will remain big because it is full of secrets that I will not be telling.
But for now, I feel like I wore sweatpants on Monday.
Long story short -- two of my friends (we'll call them A and B for brevity's sake) were going to attend the out of state wedding of a college friend of B. B had said at a dinner (that A was not attending), "I really wish that I could have a college boy weekend without A." A few weeks later, A said to me, "I don't really feel like going out of state and hanging with B's frat boy friends."
And an evil Geppetto complex was born.
"If only they knew!" I thought to myself. "If only they would talk to each other, they'd realize they have the same ideas!"
So I tried to make little hints and suggestions about, "oh, you never know, he may understand if you don't want to go," and "you don't know, maybe he doesn't want to go, you should talk to him."
They talked to each other, figured it out, and all was right with the world.
Until. They talked to each other, discovered my evil Geppetto complex, and I got called the hell out for my secrets and lies.
It turns out people don't like being a personal Pinocchio. And they especially don't like when they try to have a heart-to-heart talk with each other and the other person already knows what they're going to say.....because they heard it from me.
I then tried to make a joke about it with A (via text.....WILL I NEVER LEARN), and it was waaaay too soon for that. I got put in my place yet again. My place a few spaces below people who use bad grammar and don't use their turn signals in heavy traffic.
So I am properly A, embarrassed that I was so thoroughly busted, and B, genuinely apologetic and contrite that I betrayed their respective confidences. I honestly was trying to help, but all I did was make an awful mess of things. From now on, my hair will remain big because it is full of secrets that I will not be telling.
But for now, I feel like I wore sweatpants on Monday.
Thursday, September 15, 2011
The Not-so-Gay Panic.
Boys, boy, boys. When will you learn that you can keep nothing from me? The truth always comes out in the end. Take this conversation, for example:
Him: I just didn't get that much sleep last night.
Me: Oh, why not?
Him: I sort of had a panic attack.
Me: What!? What happened, what about?
Him: Oh......nothing.
Me: .......................I'm sorry, what?
It turns out that his neighbors had a party while He was imbibing just as heartily as the miscreants next door. The cops came to shut the neighbor's party down and He thought that he was being busted as well. When someone knocked on the door, He ran to the bathroom and spent an hour and a half pretending to take a shower. An hour and a half.
Nothing, my Aunt Fanny.
Him: I just didn't get that much sleep last night.
Me: Oh, why not?
Him: I sort of had a panic attack.
Me: What!? What happened, what about?
Him: Oh......nothing.
Me: .......................I'm sorry, what?
It turns out that his neighbors had a party while He was imbibing just as heartily as the miscreants next door. The cops came to shut the neighbor's party down and He thought that he was being busted as well. When someone knocked on the door, He ran to the bathroom and spent an hour and a half pretending to take a shower. An hour and a half.
Nothing, my Aunt Fanny.
Saturday, August 6, 2011
Do as I say, not as I do.
Nothing is more frustrating than a smart-ass gay.
Sure, we like a good snarky gay in the movies as our comedic relief. A little sass never hurt anyone. But trust me, when that sass is being used against you, it stings. It does not hurt so good. There's nothing I hate more than something I've said getting thrown back in my face.
I was leaving a friend's house last week after an amiable get together. I had gone around and said my goodbyes and doled out my cheek-kisses and hugs and random ass grabs. As I headed toward the door, I paused to say goodbye to the last guy.
"Okay, bye," he said as he walked across the living room, "text me when you get home."
I'm sorry, exCUSE ME?! Where is my air-kiss, sir?! After all we've been through, I deserve at least an air-kiss!
I held on to this slight for a good twenty minutes, but then I got over it. However, I made sure to tell him exactly the social niceties that he turned his back and walked away from. Sort of a, "no big deal, but never do it again if you want your life to remain un-nagged" situation.
A few nights later, I was at his house again. We had been watching a movie and he was falling asleep on the couch. After the movie, he went in and laid down on his bed. A few minutes later, I decided to leave and I went in and stood awkwardly by his bed.
"Okay, well.....bye," I said, and turned to leave.
"Don't....walk away....when you're saying goodbye to me," he mumbled.
Touche, jerk.
Sure, we like a good snarky gay in the movies as our comedic relief. A little sass never hurt anyone. But trust me, when that sass is being used against you, it stings. It does not hurt so good. There's nothing I hate more than something I've said getting thrown back in my face.
I was leaving a friend's house last week after an amiable get together. I had gone around and said my goodbyes and doled out my cheek-kisses and hugs and random ass grabs. As I headed toward the door, I paused to say goodbye to the last guy.
"Okay, bye," he said as he walked across the living room, "text me when you get home."
I'm sorry, exCUSE ME?! Where is my air-kiss, sir?! After all we've been through, I deserve at least an air-kiss!
I held on to this slight for a good twenty minutes, but then I got over it. However, I made sure to tell him exactly the social niceties that he turned his back and walked away from. Sort of a, "no big deal, but never do it again if you want your life to remain un-nagged" situation.
A few nights later, I was at his house again. We had been watching a movie and he was falling asleep on the couch. After the movie, he went in and laid down on his bed. A few minutes later, I decided to leave and I went in and stood awkwardly by his bed.
"Okay, well.....bye," I said, and turned to leave.
"Don't....walk away....when you're saying goodbye to me," he mumbled.
Touche, jerk.
Sunday, July 31, 2011
Live every week like it's Shark Week.
I think this conversation pretty much sums up Shark Week:
Him: Oh my god, a Shark Week commercial just came on and B____ went "yeeeeeaaaaahhhhh!!!!" in a really deep voice.
Me: Shark Week brings out the straight man in us all.
Shark Week is this week, a week where you can watch sharks maul the shit out of adorable baby seals and bleach-blonde surfers until your eyes bleed. The shows that will forever keep me out of the ocean that played tonight were "Great White Invasion" and "Jaws Comes Home", both about great white sharks being found cavorting feet from the beach. Again, the saltwater pool in my parents' backyard is now the closest to the ocean that I'm going to get.
Enjoy Shark Week responsibly. We watched it tonight with a plate of red meat and a bottle of red wine nearby. And then we watched Lady Gaga's HBO Monster's Ball special. Show me your teeth, indeed.
Him: Oh my god, a Shark Week commercial just came on and B____ went "yeeeeeaaaaahhhhh!!!!" in a really deep voice.
Me: Shark Week brings out the straight man in us all.
Shark Week is this week, a week where you can watch sharks maul the shit out of adorable baby seals and bleach-blonde surfers until your eyes bleed. The shows that will forever keep me out of the ocean that played tonight were "Great White Invasion" and "Jaws Comes Home", both about great white sharks being found cavorting feet from the beach. Again, the saltwater pool in my parents' backyard is now the closest to the ocean that I'm going to get.
Enjoy Shark Week responsibly. We watched it tonight with a plate of red meat and a bottle of red wine nearby. And then we watched Lady Gaga's HBO Monster's Ball special. Show me your teeth, indeed.
Saturday, July 2, 2011
Couples
This summer, I have embarked on a new journey in my path of queer dear-dom : I have befriended a couple.
It's shocking to me that this is my first gay couple, but most of my friends have relationships that expire faster than a carton of milk, whether of their fault or not. These guys have been together for two years and are living together. They have dog children together. They are legit.
As always, with the new acquisition of friends comes new challenges. For example, there's the third wheel danger. Nobody wants to be the awkward creeper in the corner during a romantic moment. For example, just recently we had a pool day, the two of them and me. I was in the pool with one of the guys while the other was lying in a pool chair. When he was getting in the water, he asked how the water was and homeboy answered, "it's good now that you're in here." Awkward City, population me.
There's also the package problem. And not the good type of package, oh no. The package deal problem. I'll make plans with one of them, and they'll both show up. Typically this is not a problem, as I love both of them and we always have a blasty blast. It is a little difficult when trying to get to know them, however. I enjoy one on one time with my friends; I find that it helps bonding and fostering deep relationships. It's close to impossible to have one on one time with three people. Try it sometime.
Like all couples, they fight and make up. Sometimes their arguments make me uncomfortable. The making up makes me even more uncomfortable. There are times when we'll be at their house hanging out with one of them in the living room with me and the other in their bedroom. Sooner or later, they'll both be in the bedroom. In which case, I am overcome by awkwardness. Is the party moving in there? Is it a pants party? Unless there is an invitation on monogrammed stationary, I stay the hell away.
They are a great couple. Where one is frenetic, the other is laidback. Where one tends to diva out, the other tends toward neutral. They are both devoted to each other in sickeningly sweet ways. They make a great team -- which makes it even more awkward to be sitting and watching from the sidelines.
It's shocking to me that this is my first gay couple, but most of my friends have relationships that expire faster than a carton of milk, whether of their fault or not. These guys have been together for two years and are living together. They have dog children together. They are legit.
As always, with the new acquisition of friends comes new challenges. For example, there's the third wheel danger. Nobody wants to be the awkward creeper in the corner during a romantic moment. For example, just recently we had a pool day, the two of them and me. I was in the pool with one of the guys while the other was lying in a pool chair. When he was getting in the water, he asked how the water was and homeboy answered, "it's good now that you're in here." Awkward City, population me.
There's also the package problem. And not the good type of package, oh no. The package deal problem. I'll make plans with one of them, and they'll both show up. Typically this is not a problem, as I love both of them and we always have a blasty blast. It is a little difficult when trying to get to know them, however. I enjoy one on one time with my friends; I find that it helps bonding and fostering deep relationships. It's close to impossible to have one on one time with three people. Try it sometime.
Like all couples, they fight and make up. Sometimes their arguments make me uncomfortable. The making up makes me even more uncomfortable. There are times when we'll be at their house hanging out with one of them in the living room with me and the other in their bedroom. Sooner or later, they'll both be in the bedroom. In which case, I am overcome by awkwardness. Is the party moving in there? Is it a pants party? Unless there is an invitation on monogrammed stationary, I stay the hell away.
They are a great couple. Where one is frenetic, the other is laidback. Where one tends to diva out, the other tends toward neutral. They are both devoted to each other in sickeningly sweet ways. They make a great team -- which makes it even more awkward to be sitting and watching from the sidelines.
Monday, June 27, 2011
Snuggie.
When it comes to touching people, I feel like I err toward the side of caution. I don't particularly enjoy being touched by people that I don't know or particularly like. I'm not going to be the person to give you a hug when I first meet you. I have had people go for a hug after the first meeting and it will only end in tears.
But if you are my friend, particularly one of my gay friends, watch out. No body part is safe. I hug, I snuggle, I big spoon, I hold hands, I grab asses. You name it, it will probably be attended to in some platonic way.
Which is all the more awkward when I find out that a friend doesn't like being touched. I have this friend that I recently found out doesn't like being overly touched, so you know that it is like telling a two year old not to touch the hot stove. All I want to do is touch this kid. I want to hug him, I want to watch movies intertwined on the couch, I want to be the goddamn big spoon. It's awful. I do all of those things with his boyfriend, no problem. Boyfriend and I will kiss goodbye, and he's by the door of his car with a lame, "Call me tomorrow." What!? No. You will take your hug like a man and then you'll be on your way.
Everyone needs their personal space. I get it, I shouldn't intrude, personal bubble, all that jazz. I'm pretty sure that he considers me to be a good friend. I feel like we moved past casual acquaintance a while ago. But I'm still afraid that anytime my hand accidentally grazes his knee, he's dying on the inside.
I hate to think of what he's thinking when I "accidentally" squeeze his ass.
But if you are my friend, particularly one of my gay friends, watch out. No body part is safe. I hug, I snuggle, I big spoon, I hold hands, I grab asses. You name it, it will probably be attended to in some platonic way.
Which is all the more awkward when I find out that a friend doesn't like being touched. I have this friend that I recently found out doesn't like being overly touched, so you know that it is like telling a two year old not to touch the hot stove. All I want to do is touch this kid. I want to hug him, I want to watch movies intertwined on the couch, I want to be the goddamn big spoon. It's awful. I do all of those things with his boyfriend, no problem. Boyfriend and I will kiss goodbye, and he's by the door of his car with a lame, "Call me tomorrow." What!? No. You will take your hug like a man and then you'll be on your way.
Everyone needs their personal space. I get it, I shouldn't intrude, personal bubble, all that jazz. I'm pretty sure that he considers me to be a good friend. I feel like we moved past casual acquaintance a while ago. But I'm still afraid that anytime my hand accidentally grazes his knee, he's dying on the inside.
I hate to think of what he's thinking when I "accidentally" squeeze his ass.
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
In with the new.
Befriending new gays is very nerve-wracking to me. It's sort of like a first date-- I stress over what I'm wearing, what I say, how I think they're perceiving me. Sometimes I wish that I had a sign on that says, "I'm cool, I promise. Give it a week and you will love me."
I'm in a community theater production of "Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat" as Mrs. Potiphar (because of course I would be cast as the Slutty McSlut of the Bible story), and am meeting new gays in the process. It's not a problem in community theater, but I always strive to find ways to make sure that everyone feels comfortable and knows that they can be however they want to around me -- after my years in the gay trenches, there is very little anymore that shocks me.
Making friends as an adult is difficult at times. It isn't like college, where you join a club or have a class and make friends. I'm always afraid that I'm going to come on to strong when meeting new people and somehow alienate them in the process.
In the end, I just rely on being the most fabulous I can be and make sure that they know that I will always have their back and will stop them from leaving the house in ugly shoes and be there for them when they're having a drunken emotional meltdown. As a professional Queer Dear, it's the least I can do.
I'm in a community theater production of "Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat" as Mrs. Potiphar (because of course I would be cast as the Slutty McSlut of the Bible story), and am meeting new gays in the process. It's not a problem in community theater, but I always strive to find ways to make sure that everyone feels comfortable and knows that they can be however they want to around me -- after my years in the gay trenches, there is very little anymore that shocks me.
Making friends as an adult is difficult at times. It isn't like college, where you join a club or have a class and make friends. I'm always afraid that I'm going to come on to strong when meeting new people and somehow alienate them in the process.
In the end, I just rely on being the most fabulous I can be and make sure that they know that I will always have their back and will stop them from leaving the house in ugly shoes and be there for them when they're having a drunken emotional meltdown. As a professional Queer Dear, it's the least I can do.
Sunday, May 22, 2011
Homophobia in Houston
A friend of mine had the following experience last week at The Drake bar in Houston and wanted to share his story:
"So we went for a paint party, which was put on by Day Glow. And it was awesome by the way! Basically they have paint cannons that shoot water-based paint on you, people throwing paint on you, etc. And then dancing and all.
But anyways, J____ and I were outside waiting for friends and we were just hugging (maybe kiss on the cheek, can't remember for sure) when the bouncer made some comment like "oh gays, oh no! Get out!" and made us leave. We snuck back in to get our friends and as we were leaving, I was drunk...so I brushed up against the bouncer on the way out. He proceeded to call the cops over on us. Another bouncer then came over and he was really nice and basically just told us to stand on the sidewalk to avoid any trouble. So we did while waiting for our ride and then left."
I know one Houston bar that will no longer have my patronage, asshole bouncer or not.
"So we went for a paint party, which was put on by Day Glow. And it was awesome by the way! Basically they have paint cannons that shoot water-based paint on you, people throwing paint on you, etc. And then dancing and all.
But anyways, J____ and I were outside waiting for friends and we were just hugging (maybe kiss on the cheek, can't remember for sure) when the bouncer made some comment like "oh gays, oh no! Get out!" and made us leave. We snuck back in to get our friends and as we were leaving, I was drunk...so I brushed up against the bouncer on the way out. He proceeded to call the cops over on us. Another bouncer then came over and he was really nice and basically just told us to stand on the sidewalk to avoid any trouble. So we did while waiting for our ride and then left."
I know one Houston bar that will no longer have my patronage, asshole bouncer or not.
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