Benefits for Friends

It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a wife.

It is also a truth universally acknowledged that a single gay is in want of a hook-up.

I got a text from a friend last night, asking if a fabulous friend of mine would be interested in a date/hook-up with her new gay roommate.

The tv show Happy Endings has concisely and hilariously identified gaycism, the theory that people automatically think that any gay people are compatible with each other based solely on the fact that they are gay. I knew that some people truly believed this, but this was my first experience with a gaycist. She didn't even know my friend's name, much less anything about him that would lead her to think that he would be a good match for her roommate. She also assumed that he would be up for a random hook-up just on the basis of his homosexuality.

Resist the prejudice of gaycism. Look past the perfectly highlighted hair and moisturized hands and see the person behind the gay face. Remember, gays are people, too.

Girl Power.

When I was in elementary school, I was in Girl Scouts. But let's be honest, I was really just in it for the cookies. There is nothing so bad that a Thin Mint or a Samoa cookie won't fix.

The Girl Scout organization has been in the news recently due to the inclusion of a 7 year old transgendered child in a troupe in Colorado. This is a 7 year old boy named Bobby who is living as a girl, and the Girl Scout troupe accepts him as such.

Unfortunately, a teenaged girl in California has a problem with this and has made a video asking people to protest the Girl Scouts by refusing to buy Girl Scout cookies until the transgendered child is removed from the organization.

As if I needed anymore incentive to buy twelve boxes of Thin Mints this cookie season, this girl has given me another one.

The Girl Scouts stance has been one of inclusion and classiness during this process; a spokeswoman has said, "For 100 years, Girl Scouts has prided itself on being an inclusive organization serving girls from all walks of life. We handle cases involving transgender children on a case-by-case basis, with a focus on ensuring the welfare and best interests of the child in question and the other girls in the troop as our highest priority. If a child identifies as a girl and the child's family presents her as a girl, Girl Scouts of Colorado welcomes her as a Girl Scout."

Stay classy, Girl Scouts. And keep supplying me with my Samoas fix.

Say Whaaaat?!

The new youtube sensation, apparently, is a series of videos describing what one stereotypical group says to another. Some of them are hilariously and scarily accurate.

Who's the Gayest of them All?

CNN recently had an article reporting on a survey performed by The Advocate magazine that sought to find the gayest city in America. The answer was not as obvious as you'd think.

They sought to look outside the obvious choices like San Francisco, New York City, or Miami. I thought Austin would be ranked high on the list, but perhaps I'm biased because I'm from Texas and one of my favorite gays lives there.

The number one ranked city was Salt Lake City, Utah.

.............what?

One does not think of Salt Lake City as being bustling with homosexual support. I don't know about you, but when I think of Utah, I think of Mormons, who are not exactly known for their love of all things fabulous. While the survey wasn't exactly scientific (the criteria included "the number of gay and lesbian bookstores, elected officials who are lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender, and some edgier metrics like the number of International Mr. Leather competition semifinalists and the presence of nude yoga classes"), the results are still surprising.

But I wouldn't plan your Orbitz vacation around this survey: many of the places listed are still overwhelmingly conservative areas, like Utah and Little Rock, Arkansas. If you have to choose one of these cities, my money would be on Orlando, Florida, which ranked number 2. Disney World is truly the happiest and most fabulous place on earth.

New Year, New You

I'm finally getting back in the swing of things after my lovely two week vacation. I love vacation and it takes me a long time to move past my depression when it's over. So much so that I had to take a sick day from work on Friday. Cough, cough.

Not a lot has happened over the past few weeks in my corner of the world:

I moved into a new apartment.

I discovered a leave-in conditioner that is apparently made of magic. My hair is so soft it feels like it's made of kittens.

My liver somehow survived the many holiday parties thrown and many bottles of wine consumed (seriously, I'm pretty sure my new neighbors think I'm an alcoholic).

I had a lot of great times with great friends, and even some bad times with great friends. It was touch and go for a while, but we all got through it mildly unscathed.

And I ate my weight in Christmas cookies. Paula Deen's white chocolate coconut cookies and Giada De Laurentiis's holiday biscotti are my life now.

To negate the Christmas cookie bulge, I made the usual New Year's resolutions to lose weight and be healthier and blah blah blah, which really has only manifested in looking up healthy recipes on Pinterest, which is my new obsession. Only I block all of my friends' wedding dreams boards, because there are only so many pictures of lace wedding dresses and engagement photo scenarios a girl can take, you know?

Textual Healing.

One of the perks of having gay men as your best friends is that you always have someone to flirt with boys for you, especially in the technological advances of the 21st century. I do so enjoy having a personal Cyrano.

Sometimes the idiom is true -- guys know what guys want. I was amazed at how well the flirty texts were received. I think I may have created a monster, though; last night, I told my friend that Straight Guy had texted me and his response was, "Let him talk for a while and then let me flirt with him for you!"

An Open Letter to Rick Perry

Dear Rick Perry,

Hi. I know that memorizing things is hard work, and sometimes it's easier to just throw out talking points in a series and pretend that it makes sense -- let's face it, that saves you from the embarrassment of not being able to remember your own positions on things, am I right? But gay people serving in the military does not actually keep children from "celebrating Christmas in schools." And I teach in a public high school. Trust me, there is plenty of Christmas -- we even get two weeks vacation for it. Children also learn about the Declaration of Independence in school, where they learn that all men are created equal and are granted by their Creator (even though you have sort of claimed his as your own) certain unalienable Rights, and that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.

And I'm not too sure that you have the direct line to God that you seem to think you did. Despite demanding the people of Texas to pray for rain, there was still statewide drought and wildfires. It almost is as if you're just using Jesus as a way to look holier than thou and pious. Methink thou doth protest too much, you know what I'm saying?

Thanks for making America think even more that Texans are stupid closed-minded assholes. As if Dubya didn't do that sufficiently. Hurry up and lose the primary and fade into obscurity.

Hugs and kisses,
Queer Dear.