Wide World of Sports

I recently got a new job at a new school district. The only catch is, I have to be a girls basketball assistant coach.

You can feel free to laugh. I'll wait.

As an English teacher, I feel as though I'm already at an athletic disadvantage. We literature types tend to stick closer to the library than the gymnasium. But I'm sure I can motivate those girls to score those goals. Or whatever it is, I'll figure that out later.

I tried to think back on sports movies that I could get coaching tips from, and the first thing that came to my mind was this scene from Ladybugs, one of my favorite movies when I was a kid. It stars Rodney Dangerfield and Jonathan Brandis as his stepson who is coerced into crossdressing to play on a girls soccer team that needs all the help they can get. (I'm telling you, my life as a queer dear was predetermined. I was born this way.)




You can rest assured that should anyone break a nail on the field, I will know what to do.