The Feminine Mystique.

Ladyparts. A mystery to some, an inconvenience to others.

I was able to talk to my best girl friend today and she regaled me with a hysterical story of getting an IUD birth control placed. It made her decide then and there to never go through the miracle of childbirth because, according to her, "it was like there was a rabid squirrel clawing inside my uterus." It involved internal organs having to move around in positions that were not what God intended. She's pretty sure that she was moments from death.

When she told me the story, I thought some of my internal organs would burst from laughing so hard. My appendix for sure will never be the same. In the end she's the true winner, because not only does she not have to pop a pill every day or get a shot every month, but she's not going to have to worry about unplanned pregnancy for five years. Not to mention that she's not going to have a period for YEARS. Lucky bitch.

So sleep well tonight, gays, knowing that you will never have to know the pain and suffering that we go through to insure that we are doing our part to not irresponsibly populate the planet. We do it because we care -- but it hurts so much, you're lucky we do it at all.