Wednesday, November 17, 2010

I don't think you're ready for this jelly.

A few things I learned at the screening of Beyonce's concert DVD.

1. Beyonce can bring the gays out in every country she goes to. I saw you in the camera shots of the audience, gays, and I appreciated your devotion and unadulterated obsession with the Queen B. You made me proud.

2. All of the supporting musicians and singers (and most, but not all, of the dancers) were women on Beyonce's world tour. Love. It.

3. If you are faster on your smartphone than the rest of the audience during "Beyonce Trivia" it can win you a head to toe outfit from Tina Knowles' fashion line.

4. Watching Beyonce be amazing and epic will inspire you to go to the gym like you have never been inspired before.

5. Glittery ass-bows make everything better. Everything.

6. If a glittery ass-bow isn't possible, glittery eyebrows will work in a pinch. And Beyonce has some great eyebrows.

7. When in doubt, call on the spirit of Michael Jackson to guide you. It will also probably make me verklempt, so use this sparingly.

8. Free drinks from the bar upstairs makes audience participation a little more obnoxious. I'm looking at you, rude and annoying guys sitting in front of us.

9. Beyonce is a sweet person. There were clips of her from a video diary she made during the tour, and she is soft-spoken and grateful and charming and just....sweet. She really is the complete package of sweet girl and kickass diva.
That bitch.

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