Live every week like it's Shark Week.

I think this conversation pretty much sums up Shark Week:

Him: Oh my god, a Shark Week commercial just came on and B____ went "yeeeeeaaaaahhhhh!!!!" in a really deep voice.

Me: Shark Week brings out the straight man in us all.

Shark Week is this week, a week where you can watch sharks maul the shit out of adorable baby seals and bleach-blonde surfers until your eyes bleed. The shows that will forever keep me out of the ocean that played tonight were "Great White Invasion" and "Jaws Comes Home", both about great white sharks being found cavorting feet from the beach. Again, the saltwater pool in my parents' backyard is now the closest to the ocean that I'm going to get.

Enjoy Shark Week responsibly. We watched it tonight with a plate of red meat and a bottle of red wine nearby. And then we watched Lady Gaga's HBO Monster's Ball special. Show me your teeth, indeed.