The use of possessive pronouns between gay men and their queer dears has always interested me. I'm definitely guilty of it -- "my gays," "my boys," etcetera. The first person I can remember hearing it from was Kathy Griffin on her Bravo show. She was talking about her friends and she called them "her gays," while the camera panned to a man with the caption of "Kathey's Gay". It brought to mind a group of gay men that she kept in a spare bedroom solely for fashion advice and a sharply worded sassy comment.
I've asked a few of my friends if they mind being identified as "my gays," and got mostly nonchalant reactions -- shrugs or simply, "whatever, it's not a big deal." I sometimes fear that they don't appreciate being referred to with solely an identifier; why not just say "my friends" instead of "my gays"? My mother, of all people, once scolded me for referring to one of my friends as one of my gays, telling me that I need to consider the rest of his personality and not just that one label, the one part of himself.
I was recently hanging out with two guys that I have gotten close to, and one of them remarked that I have "adopted" the other. That was what got me on this thought process. I don't know of any other social circles where this sort of language occurs than the relationship between gay men and straight women.
But then I realize that I'm probably just overthinking it and should just go out and enjoy a cocktail with my new adopted gay.
Saturday, June 18, 2011
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2 comments:
I agree with your mom that people need to look at more than just whether someone is gay or not. I don't mind being referred to as one of someone's "gays" but there's more to a person than just that. Well... there's usually more to someone than that... there are those gays for whom being gay is everything and everything has to relate back to them being gay. But other than that, there's usually something more to someone than just being "a gay." I don't really find it offensive though.
That's what I'm afraid of. In my circle, it's become almost a term of endearment -- I would never dream of labeling a random person as "my gay," but sometimes I wonder if people who overhear it are appalled, or if the guys themselves think that it's belittling.
Thanks for your comment!
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