I have recently been made aware that I have a friend who has a friend with benefits.
The way he explained it to me was that they ended up drunk in bed one night and things started happening so he just decided to go with it. He went with it for a couple of months.
Has anyone else ever been able to make a "friends with benefits" situation work? Hollywood has made it clear that there are usually some sort of feelings on one or both sides. Can sex be emotionless and just fun?
He said that they eventually broke it off because they wanted to end it before things got complicated. My argument is, how can things not be complicated? Many people are able to separate the act of sex from emotional attachments (I know some people even separate the act of sex from sexual orientation, which is even more baffling), but to me a situation of friends with benefits differs from general promiscuity or an occasional one night stand.
To repeatedly have sex with a person and to not develop feelings for that person is to take all of the feeling out of it. Sex is supposed to be the ultimate expression of love and intimacy with a person, which is why it is so scandalous when people engage in one night stands in the first place. Granted, the friends of benefits situation is safer than the one night stand situation, but still. Why engage in acts of intimacy with a person without being intimate with them? That's what hands are for.
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
Monday, November 7, 2011
Bloody Mary
The United Kingdom has lifted a lifelong ban on gay men giving blood due to the perceived risk of HIV/AIDS. Men who have not had anal or oral sex with other men in twelve months (a window made to make sure that no infections are undetected in testing) are now able to donate blood in England, Scotland, and Wales.
The ban on blood donation of homosexual men still applies in the United States, but hopefully this move in the UK will cause American health services to re-examine their discriminatory policies. According to the UK research, "the safety of the blood supply would not be affected by the change and we would like to reassure patients receiving transfusions that the blood supply is as safe as it reasonably can be and amongst the safest in the world. There has been no documented transmission of a blood-borne virus in the UK since 2005, with no HIV transmission since 2002."
Giving blood is very important, not just in times of crisis but every day. There is no substitute to blood, so opening up the blood pool and having more blood available to those in need is important. If you've ever been in an accident or had a disease that called for a transfusion, you know how important blood donation is. If you're able, check out where to donate from the American Red Cross.
The ban on blood donation of homosexual men still applies in the United States, but hopefully this move in the UK will cause American health services to re-examine their discriminatory policies. According to the UK research, "the safety of the blood supply would not be affected by the change and we would like to reassure patients receiving transfusions that the blood supply is as safe as it reasonably can be and amongst the safest in the world. There has been no documented transmission of a blood-borne virus in the UK since 2005, with no HIV transmission since 2002."
Giving blood is very important, not just in times of crisis but every day. There is no substitute to blood, so opening up the blood pool and having more blood available to those in need is important. If you've ever been in an accident or had a disease that called for a transfusion, you know how important blood donation is. If you're able, check out where to donate from the American Red Cross.
Sunday, November 6, 2011
Going the distance
In September and October, two of my good friends embarked on separate long distance relationships. By the end of October, both of them were over. One of the relationships moved very slowly, with the guys getting to know each other over a period of a few weeks, and the other relationship moved quickly, with them being exclusive and official after a few days.
Long distance relationships baffle me. I have only known one relationship of my friends that has survived long distances. Relationships, especially in the fragile "getting to know you" stage, are very tenuous and distance just adds another stressor. Especially relationships that begin with distance. In both cases, the guys were friends of a friend that they met at a party; the guys had come in from towns one or two hours away.
At the end of the day, I'm happy if my friends are happy, and they were happy, especially on the weekends when they got together with their guys. I just hope that next time, they can be happy without having to drive for two hours or rack up an enormous text messaging bill.
Long distance relationships baffle me. I have only known one relationship of my friends that has survived long distances. Relationships, especially in the fragile "getting to know you" stage, are very tenuous and distance just adds another stressor. Especially relationships that begin with distance. In both cases, the guys were friends of a friend that they met at a party; the guys had come in from towns one or two hours away.
At the end of the day, I'm happy if my friends are happy, and they were happy, especially on the weekends when they got together with their guys. I just hope that next time, they can be happy without having to drive for two hours or rack up an enormous text messaging bill.
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
The Final Frontier.
Zachary Quinto, known as Spock in the Star Trek movie, Sylar in Hereos, and for his amazing eyebrows, has come out as a gay man. He credits the recent death of Jamey Rodemeyer as the catalyst to his public acknowledgment of his life as a gay man.
As Quinto puts it, "in light of Jamey's death - it became clear to me in an instant that living a gay life without publicly acknowledging it - is simply not enough to make any significant contribution to the immense work that lies ahead on the road to complete equality. Our society needs to recognize the unstoppable momentum toward unequivocal civil equality for every gay lesbian bisexual and transgendered citizen of this country."
Since his casual announcement (he referred to himself in an interview as a gay man and then made the statement on his website), every news source has been buzzing with his announcement. He himself has stated that he didn't know it would be global news. Hopefully we'll get to a place when someone's sexuality isn't cause for headlines, but until then, I'm glad that his announcement is being met with positive reactions -- too often, an announcement like that is met with antagonism.
I've had a crush on Zachary Quinto since his evil Sylar days, and his homosexuality is not going to put a stop to that. It's the eyebrows, really. I'm a sucker for a good set of eyebrows.
As Quinto puts it, "in light of Jamey's death - it became clear to me in an instant that living a gay life without publicly acknowledging it - is simply not enough to make any significant contribution to the immense work that lies ahead on the road to complete equality. Our society needs to recognize the unstoppable momentum toward unequivocal civil equality for every gay lesbian bisexual and transgendered citizen of this country."
Since his casual announcement (he referred to himself in an interview as a gay man and then made the statement on his website), every news source has been buzzing with his announcement. He himself has stated that he didn't know it would be global news. Hopefully we'll get to a place when someone's sexuality isn't cause for headlines, but until then, I'm glad that his announcement is being met with positive reactions -- too often, an announcement like that is met with antagonism.
I've had a crush on Zachary Quinto since his evil Sylar days, and his homosexuality is not going to put a stop to that. It's the eyebrows, really. I'm a sucker for a good set of eyebrows.
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
Coming Out Day.
Today is National Coming Out Day, a day for support and awareness for those who are out or are coming out as gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgendered. It is also observed to celebrate coming out and used to raise awareness for LGBT issues.
I am a very strong supporter of coming out -- you can't live your life to the fullest if you're hiding part of yourself away from the world and pretending to be something you're not. However, I am not a supporter of outing others. Deciding to come out is a very personal and emotional decision, and it is no one's job to out someone else (here's looking at you, Perez Hilton).
One of my close friends is the secretary for an assistant principal at a local high school and she was telling me about a boy who had been called into the office to be disciplined for being drunk at a football game. The student had always been a good kid and this was his first offense of any kind. It turns out that the student had been dating an openly gay boy on the sly, and when the relationship ended, the open student told everyone that the student was gay. He was miserable, because that's not how he chose to come out.
It was no one's right to out anyone but themselves, and shame on anyone who says that they're "helping" by forcing people to come out. As our society evolves and it becomes less dangerous to be openly gay, I hope that everyone will be able to embrace themselves fully and be open with the people in their lives. But as long as people are being fired for being gay or being bullied in school for being gay, people have legitimate reasons for remaining closeted. Some people have emotional reasons, such as unaccepting parents, that keep them in the closet. There are a depressingly large number of homeless LGBT youth because they were thrown out of the house by their parents when they came out. Staying in the closet is their right, whether you agree with it or not.
After all, not everyone has Cher or Barbra as parents. If only.
I am a very strong supporter of coming out -- you can't live your life to the fullest if you're hiding part of yourself away from the world and pretending to be something you're not. However, I am not a supporter of outing others. Deciding to come out is a very personal and emotional decision, and it is no one's job to out someone else (here's looking at you, Perez Hilton).
One of my close friends is the secretary for an assistant principal at a local high school and she was telling me about a boy who had been called into the office to be disciplined for being drunk at a football game. The student had always been a good kid and this was his first offense of any kind. It turns out that the student had been dating an openly gay boy on the sly, and when the relationship ended, the open student told everyone that the student was gay. He was miserable, because that's not how he chose to come out.
It was no one's right to out anyone but themselves, and shame on anyone who says that they're "helping" by forcing people to come out. As our society evolves and it becomes less dangerous to be openly gay, I hope that everyone will be able to embrace themselves fully and be open with the people in their lives. But as long as people are being fired for being gay or being bullied in school for being gay, people have legitimate reasons for remaining closeted. Some people have emotional reasons, such as unaccepting parents, that keep them in the closet. There are a depressingly large number of homeless LGBT youth because they were thrown out of the house by their parents when they came out. Staying in the closet is their right, whether you agree with it or not.
After all, not everyone has Cher or Barbra as parents. If only.
Thursday, October 6, 2011
Ladies Night
It is absolutely amazing to me how many lesbians are attending my school.
I guess it isn't amazing that there are so many, but it's amazing that they are so open. There are girls walking down the hallways holding hands, cuddling in the cafeteria, and wearing shirts and accessories proclaiming that they love boobies. So far, I haven't seen or heard anything derogatory towards these ladies. Probably because a lot of them look like if you say something to them, they'll punch you in the face.
What is it that is different between gay men and gay women? Why is there such a stigma against gay men but nothing against lesbians? Are straight guys really that into watching lesbians make out?
It baffles the mind. Part of me thinks that society is a bit to blame, with the media portrayal of the sexy lesbian and the effeminate gay man. It's completely acceptable for a straight man to be excited and turned on by sexy women kissing each other, where it is the masculine thing to do to insult and hurt sexy men kissing each other. Is that the reason for the seeming acceptance of gay teenage girls versus boys? Of course, these are the same straight teenage boys who draw penises on every surface that stands still for five seconds and giggle about fart and "that's what she said" jokes, so I may be giving them more credit than they're due.
Perhaps it's just that Beyonce is right, and girls do truly run the world.
I guess it isn't amazing that there are so many, but it's amazing that they are so open. There are girls walking down the hallways holding hands, cuddling in the cafeteria, and wearing shirts and accessories proclaiming that they love boobies. So far, I haven't seen or heard anything derogatory towards these ladies. Probably because a lot of them look like if you say something to them, they'll punch you in the face.
What is it that is different between gay men and gay women? Why is there such a stigma against gay men but nothing against lesbians? Are straight guys really that into watching lesbians make out?
It baffles the mind. Part of me thinks that society is a bit to blame, with the media portrayal of the sexy lesbian and the effeminate gay man. It's completely acceptable for a straight man to be excited and turned on by sexy women kissing each other, where it is the masculine thing to do to insult and hurt sexy men kissing each other. Is that the reason for the seeming acceptance of gay teenage girls versus boys? Of course, these are the same straight teenage boys who draw penises on every surface that stands still for five seconds and giggle about fart and "that's what she said" jokes, so I may be giving them more credit than they're due.
Perhaps it's just that Beyonce is right, and girls do truly run the world.
Saturday, October 1, 2011
No Strings Attached
Well. Now I have done it.
Long story short -- two of my friends (we'll call them A and B for brevity's sake) were going to attend the out of state wedding of a college friend of B. B had said at a dinner (that A was not attending), "I really wish that I could have a college boy weekend without A." A few weeks later, A said to me, "I don't really feel like going out of state and hanging with B's frat boy friends."
And an evil Geppetto complex was born.
"If only they knew!" I thought to myself. "If only they would talk to each other, they'd realize they have the same ideas!"
So I tried to make little hints and suggestions about, "oh, you never know, he may understand if you don't want to go," and "you don't know, maybe he doesn't want to go, you should talk to him."
They talked to each other, figured it out, and all was right with the world.
Until. They talked to each other, discovered my evil Geppetto complex, and I got called the hell out for my secrets and lies.
It turns out people don't like being a personal Pinocchio. And they especially don't like when they try to have a heart-to-heart talk with each other and the other person already knows what they're going to say.....because they heard it from me.
I then tried to make a joke about it with A (via text.....WILL I NEVER LEARN), and it was waaaay too soon for that. I got put in my place yet again. My place a few spaces below people who use bad grammar and don't use their turn signals in heavy traffic.
So I am properly A, embarrassed that I was so thoroughly busted, and B, genuinely apologetic and contrite that I betrayed their respective confidences. I honestly was trying to help, but all I did was make an awful mess of things. From now on, my hair will remain big because it is full of secrets that I will not be telling.
But for now, I feel like I wore sweatpants on Monday.
Long story short -- two of my friends (we'll call them A and B for brevity's sake) were going to attend the out of state wedding of a college friend of B. B had said at a dinner (that A was not attending), "I really wish that I could have a college boy weekend without A." A few weeks later, A said to me, "I don't really feel like going out of state and hanging with B's frat boy friends."
And an evil Geppetto complex was born.
"If only they knew!" I thought to myself. "If only they would talk to each other, they'd realize they have the same ideas!"
So I tried to make little hints and suggestions about, "oh, you never know, he may understand if you don't want to go," and "you don't know, maybe he doesn't want to go, you should talk to him."
They talked to each other, figured it out, and all was right with the world.
Until. They talked to each other, discovered my evil Geppetto complex, and I got called the hell out for my secrets and lies.
It turns out people don't like being a personal Pinocchio. And they especially don't like when they try to have a heart-to-heart talk with each other and the other person already knows what they're going to say.....because they heard it from me.
I then tried to make a joke about it with A (via text.....WILL I NEVER LEARN), and it was waaaay too soon for that. I got put in my place yet again. My place a few spaces below people who use bad grammar and don't use their turn signals in heavy traffic.
So I am properly A, embarrassed that I was so thoroughly busted, and B, genuinely apologetic and contrite that I betrayed their respective confidences. I honestly was trying to help, but all I did was make an awful mess of things. From now on, my hair will remain big because it is full of secrets that I will not be telling.
But for now, I feel like I wore sweatpants on Monday.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
