All that glitters

Sometimes you have to beware of gays bearing gifts. I learned this the hard way.

A friend came to visit me and brought a present along with his gossip and opinions of everything I was wearing. He had a tube of his new favorite lotion that he bestowed upon me with the advice that I simply MUST use this, that it has absolutely CHANGED HIS LIFE.

So I slathered it on copiously. I bathed in this stuff, because who doesn't want soft skin? No one wants to start a fire when their limbs rub together.

I then went upon the activities of my day, which consisted mostly of laying on the couch and reading in the air conditioning, because the Texas heat is already starting to frizz my hair something fierce. Because of this, I had forgotten about my liberal application of the magic lotion.

When I eventually emerged from my cave, I was immediately blinded. I looked around for the offender and was surprised to find that the sun was glinting off my skin like a Twilight vampire.

 It turns out the lotion was full on glitter lotion. I looked like a disco ball. I looked like a float in a Pride Parade.

It was awesome.